


New Year's Wishes

by happilyappled



Category: Bandom, Gerard Way and the Hormones, My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Attraction, Awkwardness, Books, Crushes, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:06:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3235649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyappled/pseuds/happilyappled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard <i>loves</i> his family's bookstore. He made sure he would have every Friday afternoon off from college so he could help Grandma at the store he grew up in. He's fascinated by all these books, loves when people ask for his suggestions, and loves interacting with their clients - one more than the others. Frank has been a regular for the last 9 months and, week after week, Gerard has been falling softly in love with Frank's character. This time, will Gerard finally have the guts to tell Frank what he feels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Year's Wishes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frankenstein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankenstein/gifts).



> Dedicated to Sylvia, Raquel, and Shen <3
> 
> [Click here](http://www.mediafire.com/download/phxuzhcyurih89h) to download this story in PDF format :)

It’s Christmas day and the house is finally quiet, or at least less noisy than it was twenty four hours ago. Grandma and Mom made sure to play hostess and invited the rest of the family and most of her friends for dinner on Christmas Eve. It was confusing and loud, but after dinner there was talking about food, art and literature around the fire, and Gerard felt in heaven.

Most of the Christmas feeling has died down already, but the house is still covered in mistletoe, there are blinking lights all over the fireplace, Grandma is still smiling merrily, and Dad is still humming songs while finishing up in the kitchen. Grandma and Mom are with him, having sent Gerard and Mikey to the living room as usual. They’re just sitting down in front of the TV set, but it’s off because Mikey is trying to finish his second piece of gingerbread cake and Gerard is trying to finish this book.

Before he can even finish this chapter, though, Grandma comes into the living room and says, “Alright, boys, I’m going to call it a night. I want to get to the store early tomorrow.”

Gerard looks up at her. “How early? Because I wanna come with you. There might be a lot of people exchanging Christmas presents and there were still boxes to put away in the back room. You could use the help.”

She chuckles and taps the top of his head. “You don’t have to go, Gerard, I can handle it. You’re on vacation from school, and you could probably use some sleeping in.”

“Tomorrow’s Friday, though,” Mikey says from his armchair, putting the empty plate down on the coffee table and picking up his phone. He sits back with his feet crossed under him.

Gerard closes the book slowly and turns his head to his brother, trying to understand. Grandma also asks for an explanation, so Mikey turns to her and replies assertively, “It’s Frank day, you know.”

“What’s Frank day?” Gerard questions in a rusty voice, as their parents walk into the living room and settle on the couch, Dad turning on the TV and Mom picking up a magazine. It’s nutty how coordinated all their movements are when they’re together, but Gerard is still focused on what Mikey had said. “Mikey?”

Mikey looks up from his phone, even though he keeps typing, and sends Gerard an obvious look over the frame of his boyish pair of glasses, like Gerard is supposed to know what he’s talking about. He’s just been your classic little brother, your classic thirteen year old boy who always tells off on Gerard, who pulls stupid pranks when Gerard has friends over, and who comes up with silly little gossip theories about everything because he hangs out with Grandma and her friends too often, but now he’s just being annoying.

“What’s the matter?” Mom asks the room turning a page of her magazine, but Gerard doesn’t look at her.

Grandma replies to her, “Well, Mikey was just about to tell us what Frank day is and what that has to do with Gerard going to the bookstore tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Friday, and Frank comes by every week and they just go on and on about books. It’s so not healthy for your crush, Gerard,” Mikey says with a shrug, eyes fixed on his phone again.

“ _What?_ ” Gerard questions his brother, feeling utterly confused.

“Who’s Frank?” Grandma asks with an intrigued voice, sitting down next to Gerard and tapping his leg like she does when she’s curious. Gerard looks down at her hand with wide eyes, then up at his brother again.

“You know, Grandma, Frank. Short guy, dark hair, buys armloads of books; Gerard drools over him all the time,” Mikey says, looking at her. The look he shows Gerard next gives him away, though. He’s being annoying on purpose.

“I don’t drool on him,” Gerard protests, going back to his book to try and end the conversation.

“Mhmm.” Mikey changes his position on the couch, the TV in the background being the only sound in the room. “You don’t drool on him, you don’t have a crush on him, and you’ve never read a book. All fact.”

“Do you like this boy, Gerard?” Grandma asks, leaning closer to Gerard and sliding her hand over his shoulders. That shows interest and he just rolls his eyes at her, not wanting to believe she’d fall for Mikey’s stupid banter.

“No,” Gerard tells her firmly, removing her hand from his shoulder.

“Of course not,” Mikey teases.

“No, I don’t, Mikey, shut up,” Gerard snaps, wishing he had something to throw at his brother’s head. He can’t believe he’s being teased by a thirteen year old freak.

“Who is this Frank?” Mom asks, leaning forward with an interested look. Gerard rolls his eyes at her and sits back on the couch to focus on his book, planning to ignore everyone around him.

Grandma adjusts her position on the couch and slides her hand over Gerard's shoulder again. He feels tempted to shrug her off, but doesn’t want to be rude, so he stays put and just listens to whatever nonsense she’s going to say.

“Is this the Frank who comes by the book club sometimes and always brings either Poe or Virginia Woolf?” Grandma asks, clutching a muscle on Gerard's shoulder to grab his attention.

“I suppose,” is the only thing he says, turning the page on his book and trying to concentrate on what he’s reading. With Grandma all over him, though, that’s proving to be quite difficult.

“Ooh, I like him. He has wonderful theories on Poe; I enjoy listening to him talk about literature,” Grandma says, and she possibly says something else, but Gerard is rolling his eyes to himself so hard that he can’t hear what she’s saying. But he focuses back on Grandma when she squeezes his shoulder and says, “Such a sweet boy, too. You’d be lucky to have him.”

“No!” Gerard groans, shutting the book closed. “Grandma, I do not–”

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to come out now,” she taunts him.

“Why is it so hard to admit you have a crush on the guy?” Mikey puts in.

“Mikey, shut up, I don’t–”

“Ma, should I go by the bookstore tomorrow so I can meet this boy?” Mom says to Grandma with a subtle chuckle. Gerard picks up on it, though, throws his arms around the book and gets up from the couch. He’s so tired of sitting through this stupid talk.

“Would you please–” Gerard groans before he’s even finished the question, turning his back on his mother’s starry eyes. He feels his face all warm and leaves with a mumbled, “Goodnight.”

He can still hear when Grandma says, “Quite a handsome grandson-in-law.”

Gerard rolls his eyes exasperatedly, as if she could still see him from the living room, but he’s actually glad she can no longer see him when he gets to his bedroom, shuts the door closed as a loud as he can, and finally lets himself fall on the bed with a groan. He tries to avoid thinking about the embarrassment burning on his cheeks.

*

The next morning, Gerard wakes up at seven a.m. for no reason and realizes he has no idea what time Grandma was planning to go to the bookstore. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, but when he comes out, there’s noise coming from downstairs.

“Grandma?” he calls out as he turns the corner into the kitchen. He finds his father there, instead. “Hey, Dad.”

“Morning,” Dad says, without looking away from the bowl he’s mixing with his hands. He’s a professional cook and loves preparing breakfast to the whole family every day before he has to leave to the restaurant he’s head chef at. Every morning is a new taste adventure, and Gerard kind of misses the excitement of waking up before school wondering about what delight Dad would have for them at the breakfast table.

Right now, Gerard inhales whatever scent he can catch and leans over Dad’s shoulder, asking, “What’s the surprise today?”

“Banana nut bread,” Dad replies. “Would you mind passing me that cup of chopped nuts?”

Gerard does so and pours the nuts into the big bowl, something he hasn’t done in so long. He loves being in college and living at the dorms, and he’s super thrilled about next year because it will be his last year of classes and there will be a six month internship starting in September, but he remembers how exciting it was to help Dad in the kitchen before Mikey was born. Gerard could have never been a cook, he never really had that kind of passion, but it was a fantasy world every day in the Way kitchen.

He smiles to himself as he watches Dad mix everything intently, butter the baking pan, and pour the mix into it. As Dad puts it in the oven, he asks Gerard, “What are you doing up so early anyway?”

“I have no idea, but then again I don’t know when Grandma is planning to go to the bookstore, so–”

“Your mother convinced her to open at nine instead of eight thirty. Don’t ask me how that worked out,” Dad replies as he closes the oven door and sets the alarm clock on it. “Anyway, are you going back to bed? Mikey said he’d be here at seven to help me make the muffins, but he must have slept in, so I–”

“I’m here!” Mikey says out of nowhere, turning the corner into the kitchen and accidentally running into Gerard's side. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Gerard says. Mikey is your typical thirteen year old, of course, annoying and teasing everyone most of the time, but he’s the second most dedicated cook in the house. Nobody can count how many times he’s burned something in here, but nobody can deny how much he loves cooking either.

“You’re up early, G. Eager to go to the bookstore, huh?” Mikey teases again, but Gerard doesn’t even bother to react too fervently.

He turns away and says, “I’m leaving now. Hope you burn all your muffins.”

*

Gerard takes a thorough shower that morning, for no reason other than the fact that he has lots of time to spare and going back to bed would have been useless. He rolls his eyes to himself when he remembers how Mikey teased him again before, and how he should probably expect more of that at the breakfast table, but he’s got a strong personality. He can handle the teasing and ignore his family.

He does not have a crush on Frank. He doesn’t.

They do talk a lot about books, they do have a lot of the same favorite books, and Frank is the biggest literature enthusiast Gerard has ever met. He does spend a lot of time at the bookstore, either browsing their books or with his arms on the counter as he discusses with Gerard the troubles of this or that character. It’s very exciting to know someone like him, and they’re kind of friends, but they’ve never done anything outside the store, so that doesn’t mean anything.

Gerard does get excited when he sees Frank at the book club meetings. Grandma hosts them on Tuesday evenings every week, mostly for her friends who share her passion for reading; there are a few younger regulars, though, including Gerard. He comes to town every single time just for these meetings. They always talk about what books have been released that week and what books will be released soon, discuss the book they read that week and everyone shares their favorite passage, and of course it’s exciting to hear everybody’s suggestion on what they should read for the following week. Frank does participate in some of these meetings, and he always calls the bookstore to know what book they will be reading that week. Also, he is one of the most opinionated members of the group despite being one of the youngest ones, and he always gets agitated whenever people disagree with him.

Frank also wears the most amazing hoodies and sweaters, and has worn a few merch items of bands Gerard likes, and at the book club meetings he always comes with his rectangular glasses that bring out the honey color of his eyes. Not that Gerard has been staring; they really just stand out for some reason.

It must be the state of excitement Frank is always in, or the chirpiness of his voice when he calls the bookstore to check if they’ve received a certain book that was released recently, or the bright smile Frank shows when he comes into the bookstore and Gerard is behind the counter. That’s in Gerard's mind a lot, but it doesn’t mean anything.

And Gerard does have a smile on his face going from the bathroom into his bedroom, and he smiles all the way through choosing a comfortable yet perfect outfit to put on, and he’s still smiling when he checks himself on his closet mirror, but that doesn’t mean anything.

He does not have a crush on Frank.

Okay, he’s proud of not having talked to anybody about this, but he is absolutely smitten with Frank. He tries hard not to let it show, makes sure all they talk about is books and everything related, and tries not to stare too much. Sometimes it’s a lost cause, because Frank has the fluffiest hair, and he flicks his fringe away from his forehead either using his hand or a swift movement of his head, and he sometimes asks Gerard's opinion to choose between two books and Gerard feels ecstatic that his opinion counts.

Gerard has to admit that there’s something endearing about Frank, like a glow of happiness whenever he’s in the store. Maybe that’s just the way it looks, but it pulls Gerard in like nothing else.

“You’re going to the store because you love books,” he tells his own reflection, making sure to speak pausedly. “Not Frank; _books_.”

*

“Grandma, I’ll be waiting by the car,” Gerard says into the kitchen, peeking from behind the corner. He goes by the foyer to grab his green long overcoat from the hanger and zips it up, before he leaves the house into the garage to get his car. He’s been driving Grandma to the bookstore every morning since he’s been home for the holidays, but he looks fondly at her old bicycle in the corner, which she’s still using on days with nice weather despite her old age.

Every time Gerard looks at the old red bicycle, he can’t avoid his smile. Grandma always looked so jovial riding it, and Gerard remembers when he got his first bike for Christmas. She taught him how to ride it and years later, he would race her in their neighborhood. And then his little brother got his own set of wheels and Gerard tried to teach him, because Grandma had gotten sick, but that’s the story of how Mikey never really enjoyed riding one.

Gerard shakes his head at all these thoughts and opens the garage gate, taking the car into the street and waiting for Grandma to get out. Gerard is blowing hot air over his hands when she finally joins him, with a brown bag in one hand and a muffin in the other, offering, “Muffin?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Gerard says, changing gears. He’s had breakfast already and the muffins were pretty great, but Gerard has been careful with his intake of food due to a few past issues with weight. He’d always been a big kid, and used to get a lot of hate up until High School, but he definitely didn’t handle it well. He went through a lot of phases, from drowning in food to avoiding food, and finally to seeing his doctor about it. He learned how to control himself and how to look after his tendency to gain weight very quickly. At the moment, Gerard is happy with his weight, his figure, and his mental health.

“Your brother is going to be a wonderful cook,” Grandma says, around a mouthful of muffin. “I can’t believe he’s only been baking for two months. These are genius. Did you know he came up with the recipe himself?”

“Yes, he made sure to brag about it as soon as I came into the kitchen for breakfast. And so did Dad, by the way. He hates the fact that I love books so much, except for cookbooks,” Gerard replies, trying hard not to roll his eyes. His father had tried to feed Gerard's cooking skills, but he’d never gone as far as his younger brother. He’s not a bad cook, but doesn’t have as big a passion as Dad and Mikey.

“Don’t say it like that,” Grandma chastises him, taking another bite. “You’re not so bad yourself. I’ve tasted your lasagna, and it’s delicious.”

“Learned from the best,” Gerard needles, with a fond smile towards her. Years ago, Gerard would rush outside and up to Grandma’s upstairs condo whenever the smell came through the open windows. Her lasagna was his favorite dish for years on end, and he had such a huge soft spot for that recipe that he would ask Grandma to let him help in the kitchen every second Wednesday of every month after school.

Grandma spares a caress over his hair, making Gerard flinch in an instinctive reaction, causing Grandma to laugh at him. The silence falls in between them and, a couple of blocks later, Grandma turns on the radio, even though the volume is low. Gerard strums his fingers against the steering wheel out of habit, turning left into town and realizing it’s only three blocks before they’re by the bookstore. 

“Gerard, I didn’t want to say anything during breakfast to not bring it all up again, but I owe you an apology,” Grandma says while Gerard turns right to the bookstore street.

He makes a surprised noise and takes a swift look at her, focusing again on turning onto the back of the bookstore to park the car. Then, he asks, “An apology for what?”

“For teasing you last night,” Grandma replies simply. “It was totally unfair.”

“That’s alright, Grandma.” Gerard shrugs.

“Well, I’m still sorry, alright? We shouldn’t have pressured you about Frank like that,” Grandma continues with a small smile on her face. Gerard parks the car and turns to her fondly. It wasn’t easy to deal with it last night, everybody turning the bull’s eye on him, but her apology feels honest and timely.

“It’s fine, really,” Gerard insists as they get out of the car, locking it before he follows Grandma to the store back door. “There’s nothing to talk about. Frank’s a nice guy and all, we like some of the same books, but that’s it. He’s just the kid that comes on Fridays and comes to the book club meetings with a few controversial discussion ideas, you know?”

She starts to unlock the door and says over her shoulder, “Oh, that’s fine. Maybe we tease you a little, and maybe you get flushed enough to make it look like we have a point, but that doesn’t mean we support you any less. I mean, you do have a different vibe when you’re around Frank, but that–”

“Alright, stop it,” Gerard interrupts her with narrowed eyes as they get inside.

Grandma turns to him and pinches his cheeks with a graceful laugh, saying jokingly, “I’m just teasing, Bumblegee.”

“Can you not call me that outside the house, please?”

*

The day at the store goes on really slowly. Gerard goes through storage during the first couple of hours, putting away the last stashes of the most recent shipment, which they weren’t able to bring out to the store before Christmas because they literally ran out of time. Gerard remembers skipping the last day of college to help out Grandma at the store with the new books, and then spending the next day and half of Christmas Eve tangled in between storage, stocking the shelves, and serving customers. It was hellish, but in the end, today is no better.

There are times when there’s a small line of customers at the register, and there are times when the store is filled with people looking through the shelves, but there are other times when Gerard is just going through boxes and Grandma is sitting with her glasses perched on her nose, pestering him about his positioning while picking up stuff and about his wandering off look.

“I do not have a wandering off look. Can you stop saying that?” Gerard complains with a shake of his head, heading towards the mystery section.

He starts putting away the new books and reorganizing the shelves as best as he can, but then he finds the copies of Horowitz’s latest book, _Moriarty_. He has yet to finish it, but he’s only a couple of chapters away from the ending and it’s been such an exciting ride that he can’t wait to discuss it with–

“Damn it,” Gerard mumbles to himself. He’s thinking of Frank again.

He has been thinking about Frank the whole morning, actually, wondering if Frank will come in today, asking himself if Frank will come back at all, worried that they won’t talk again before Gerard goes back to school. He spends as much time in this section as he can, thinking of what he can recommend to Frank since mystery is his favorite genre, hearing the little bell ring whenever a customer comes in. His head moves instinctively every single time and Gerard smiles in case it’s Frank, but a lot of people come and go before four p.m. and none of them is Frank. They’ll be closing in less than two hours and there’s no way Frank is going to come in today.

After he’s done with restocking, Gerard goes into the back room and stays there for a while. He doesn’t want to give Grandma the pleasure of looking at him while he’s trying so hard not to feel disappointed over the fact that this won’t be any other regular Frank Friday.

He kicks himself mentally because he can’t believe he just gave Mikey the pleasure of using one of the expressions he had to piss Gerard off, but the bell sounds again and he forces himself to get out of his head and help Grandma with these customers.

Gerard pushes the curtain aside and moves forward, in time to hear Grandma say, “What a great choice for the end of the year. How was Christmas, honey?”

For a second, Gerard thinks Frank might have come after all, because that’s something Grandma calls him sometimes, but when he looks up, he’s hit by disappointment in a way he shouldn’t have let himself feel. Shaking it off, Gerard greets Mrs. Weldon and her grandson, seeing little Eric practically hanging off the counter with a book of The Famous Five collection in his hand.

There’s no reason to feel this way, but Gerard is one hundred percent disappointed. It’s past four and there’s no sign of Frank yet, so maybe he’s really not coming in today. He’s probably busy during this season. As far as Gerard knows, he’s an assistant for the music business his family is involved in, with his father as a drummer and his stepmother as a singer. That sounds absolutely fascinating, Gerard knowing how much Frank loves music, having been influenced by it his whole life, but Gerard has also heard from Frank that they don’t stay in one town for long periods of time.

That is partly the reason why Gerard has been fighting off his actual feelings for Frank. He plans to finish college in a year and a half, and then hopefully find a job soon, but he has no idea what the future has in store for Frank. He only came into town less than nine months ago. What if he moves again?

Gerard reminds himself that there’s no reason why Frank would stay in town, so he tries to stay out of his head and moves on towards the register. He needs to keep busy until the end of the day or he will get lost in thought again.

“Ow!” he protests when Grandma pinches his arm. “What was that for?”

“You’re wandering off again,” Grandma says with a soft smile as Gerard stares at her and rubs his arm for effect. Grandma just laughs at him and pats his hand.

“Thinking about him again?”

“Grandma, seriously, stop that,” Gerard forces himself to reply, trying to find the log book in the tiny shelf beneath the counter. He needs to keep busy. It’s not just his thoughts anymore.

“I’m not teasing this time, Gerard,” Grandma says affectionately. “You took the whole morning to put away a few boxes that you would normally get rid of in less than two hours. And you’ve been spending way too much time in the back room. You’ve also been looking up frantically at the door every time that damn bell tinkles. Is there something wrong?”

“No,” he puts in quickly, finding the log and flicking through it to avoid noticing how shaky his hands feel. Grandma is old school, but she’s fierce, and she’s an amazing behavior reader. It’s always been a gift and a curse.

The look Grandma sends him disarms him, as usual. He has never been able to keep a secret from her his whole life. Gerard sighs and then adds, “Okay, fine. I am worried that Frank won’t come in today. Not because it’s Friday or whatever, but because I’ll be leaving in a week and I wanted to recommend him some books I’ve been–”

“Why don’t you call him?” Grandma interrupts, and Gerard looks away. “You’ve been talking to this guy almost every week the whole year. Have you ever even talked to him outside this store?”

Gerard looks down at his hands and up at her again, seeing her tilt her head in that grandmothery way of hers. It has been making him tell her nothing but the truth ever since he knew what lying was, so he mumbles, “No.”

“Don’t you have his number?” she insists, and Gerard looks up at her beggingly.

From the look on Grandma’s face and the way she starts drumming her fingers on the counter, he doesn’t need to reply to that, but he does say, “I never asked.”

“You never _asked_ ,” Grandma repeats after him, slowly and stressing the last word. The drumming stops and she’s not tilting her head anymore. He’s not really embarrassed, but the look on her face is hard enough for him to feel intimidated.

Gerard has never been so thankful when the doorbell sounds again. He just turns his head to it swiftly, ready to greet whoever it is. It’s Frank, and Gerard gapes at him.

“Hello, am I interrupting something?” Frank asks with a pretty comfortable smile.

“Hello, honey. Not at all, you’re fine,” Grandma replies casually, sliding from behind the counter and approaching Frank. She stands in front of him, half blocking him from Gerard's sight, and asks, “How was Christmas?”

“It’s just the three of us every year, so it wasn’t bad,” Frank tells her, offering her his hand. Grandma smiles and takes it politely, shaking his hand and sending a quick look over her shoulder. Gerard pretends he didn’t see it and pretends he’s looking for something in the log book, but he’s totally paying attention to what they say next, even though they’re just talking about Christmas.

He rolls his eyes at this, but doesn’t expect when she says, “I’d love to stay here and talk, but I told Mary Ellen I’d pay her a visit before we closed up. Do you mind if I go now?”

“Not at all,” Frank replies with a gentle smile.

Gerard freezes on the spot and sends her a glare, but says, “That’s fine. Tell Mary Ellen I said hi.”

“Will do,” Grandma replies in an amused tone. Her eyes are glistening like she had planned this all along. After all, she hadn’t said anything about visiting her friend today, even though Mary Ellen lives just down the street. Gerard scoffs. Sometimes Grandma is so much worse than Mikey.

Grandma goes into the back room and Gerard glares at her back, looking away quickly when she emerges with her coat. On her way to the door, she says over her shoulder, “Alright, you boys have fun talking about books, alright? I won’t take long.”

“Okay, see you soon,” Gerard puts in, sending a little wave her way to not seem rude. On the inside, though, he’s cursing at her with all the bad words that, as a kid, he would get his ear pulled for saying. The doorbell tinkles when she leaves, echoing in the otherwise quiet bookstore as Gerard struggles to find the perfect words.

He’s probably way too lost in the way Frank’s hair is falling over his brow or the way it’s kind of curling around his neck, or maybe in the way his jacket falls so loosely around his small frame and yet makes it look like he’s wearing a thousand layers, or maybe the delightfulness of his multicolor Christmas sweater, with snowflakes and reindeers all over. Not to mention how Gerard is swiftly getting swallowed by the small smile that tips Frank’s mouth to one side, and the arch of his eyebrows as he steps forward, and the simple movement of putting his hand in his pocket and his shoulder lifting along with it. That shouldn’t be so attractive, but it’s clogging Gerard’s throat up to no good.

“Hi, Frank,” he finally says, but it comes out more stuttered than he had planned. “Any good presents this year?”

“Not at all,” Frank replies with a chuckle. Gerard sighs and pretends this little sound doesn’t affect him in any way, listening closely to what Frank says next. “Guess what my stepmom gave me.”

Frank looks down at the bag in his hands and retrieves a book from it, turning the cover to Gerard. It’s a volume of _Big Little Lies_ by Liane Moriarty, a story about three Australian suburban families that Gerard hasn’t tried to read yet, but he’s aware that they sold a lot of copies since it was released. It doesn’t mean it’s something one would offer Frank, though, at least not in the way Gerard knows him.

Gerard chuckles and watches Frank slide the book back into the bag. Then, he asks, “What do you think she was thinking of when she got it?”

“I did ask her that,” Frank says, laying the bag on the counter, before he leans on it with his elbows. That’s probably the only way Gerard has seen him in the store, other than browsing their shelves and at the register, of course.

“She’s been trying to get closer to me since the wedding, but it hasn’t worked so far. She said she doesn’t have an exact idea of the kinds of books that I really like, that she’d read the blurb and it seemed interesting, so maybe I’d like this book,” Frank continues, his voice never changing. There’s the whole stereotype about stepmothers being hateful, but Gerard thinks it’s nice that she’s trying to get closer to Frank by reaching out to his weakness, but Frank has told him that he doesn’t have a lot in common with her, so Gerard understands why she would misjudge Frank so easily.

“Well, at least she’s trying, and I think that’s nice,” Gerard puts in. Frank agrees with a small nod and a smile, and Gerard smiles back at last. He always gets nervous when Frank comes into the store, but it doesn’t take long before they’re just taking it out on books and he feels comfortable again. “You think she saw the author’s name and got confused?”

It doesn’t come out as clever as Gerard had originally thought, so they both frown at what he said, but before Frank questions him about what he meant, Gerard just takes the book he’s been reading from its spot next to the register and slides it across the counter. It reads _Moriarty_ in large, bold letters on the cover. It takes less than a second before Frank’s looking up with his eyes shining bright.

“You finally got more copies in store?” he asks excitedly, taking Gerard's book from the counter and holding and twisting it in his hands like a little kid.

“Yeah, just stocked up the shelf this morning. Come on,” Gerard offers, sliding from behind the counter and leading the way to the aisles of bookcases.

Behind him, Frank is still holding Gerard's own copy, and then he asks, “Have you finished it yet?”

“No, but even if I had I wouldn’t tell you anything you don’t already know from the reviews,” Gerard replies, stepping aside and walking towards where he had put up the books they’re looking for.

“Well, do you like it so far?” Frank asks him, sounding merely curious, but Gerard knows if he starts talking about it, he will just never stop.

“I’d rather discuss it with you when we’ve both finished it,” he says instead. Frank agrees with a nod and a hum, handing Gerard his own copy of the book and retrieving a different one from the shelf.

“Any other suggestion you think I should read?” he asks, afterwards, as Gerard leads the way back to the counter again.

Gerard tells him about what he’s read since the last time they spoke, as it’s been a couple of weeks, and about the few books he’s expecting to get in store soon, and he always loves that Frank just leans on his elbows on the counter every single time as they talk.

Later on, Gerard struggles with himself not to watch Frank as he browses the Featured and What’s New sections, but he has to keep himself busy with comparing today’s logs on the computer with the handwritten log book in order to keep his eyes away from Frank. Luckily, Mr. Thompson walks in and asks for assistance in choosing a late Christmas gift for his granddaughter and Gerard doesn’t have to pretend that he’s busy anymore. He does take Mr. Thompson to the children section and he does share a look with Frank when their paths cross somewhere along the way, the same way he does take several looks over his shoulder whenever Mr. Thompson isn’t paying attention.

He needs to stop, but before he knows it, Mr. Thompson has paid for the book he chose and Frank is back on the counter with three books in his arms.

“Okay, I’m ready,” he says with a grin, but Gerard has no idea what to reply, so he barely even chuckles. He’d rather stay quiet and not make a fool out of himself by saying the wrong thing. It has happened.

Thankfully, right after Frank pays for his books and before there’s any time for an awkward moment of silence, the door opens and the bell tinkles.

“You bookworms having fun yet?” Grandma greets them and shows them a big smile over the plate of cookies she’s holding in both hands. “Fancy a cookie?”

“Sure, thanks,” Frank accepts the offer and grabs one, looking at Gerard next and lifting an eyebrow.

“No, I’m good,” Gerard dismisses it halfheartedly.

“Alright,” Grandma says, leaving the plate on the counter in between the register and the books Frank is taking today. She notices them, puts one hand on top of the pile and adds with a graceful laugh, “Look, Frank, you don’t have to buy anything every time you come here. You can just come for a visit; you’ll be more than welcome.”

Frank chuckles with her, but Gerard doesn’t get it. He turns to Grandma for an explanation, but she only wiggles her eyebrows at him with those shining eyes again. She’s up to something. He just knows this, and Grandma’s talking before he can put an end to it.

“And you look so charming in that sweater, honey,” she says in a sweet voice, patting Frank’s shoulder. His face breaks into a small smile and he rolls his eyes like he’s embarrassed, but Grandma’s there with her arm around his shoulders, pulling Frank closer to her. “Oh, don’t be shy. You look absolutely adorable. Doesn’t he, Gerard?”

Gerard had obviously taken a look at what Frank is wearing, but he had struggled with himself to focus on talking about books rather than on clothing. He does look like a little kid, with his jean jacket with several pins all over the collars and pockets, and with the collar of a plaid shirt peeking out from under the sweater. Sweaters are pretty much the only thing Gerard has seen Frank in, mostly plain and plaid, but now he can’t help himself. He has to look again, and he has to say something. “I guess?”

“Thank you, Mrs. Rosania. And you, too,” Frank says politely, looking from Grandma to Gerard with a shy look in his eyes. Gerard gets it and tries not to make a big deal out of it, but he obviously can’t. He’s way too weak when it comes to Frank and the smile Frank shows him next enchants Gerard in more ways than one. Even his chest constricts when Gerard looks up from having put Frank’s books into a bag and Frank is smiling at him, looking so beautiful yet again, so honest and hypnotic, his expression reaching out to his eyes…

It’s actually a relief when Frank’s phone starts ringing and he says he has to go. “I’ll see you Tuesday, alright?”

“Sure, and thanks for coming by,” Gerard replies instinctively.

“Tuesday, huh?” Grandma says, confusing the hell out of Gerard. He has no idea when Tuesday is because he can’t get the image of Frank’s smile out of his head.

*

The next morning, the store is still busy with people exchanging or spending their Christmas presents, but Gerard is glad about it. Helping customers choosing their next new book is uplifting and most of the time people take Gerard's advice very seriously, which makes him feel proud and fulfilled. He loves books fiercely and wishes he could make a living out of reading, but he’s not far from that with the choices he made in college. Going through literature and education courses has been rewarding, and he hopes to one day become an English teacher and be the one who inspires other people to read everything they come across.

At lunch time, Gerard drives his grandmother to one of her friends’ house, where she usually spends her Saturday afternoons. Usually, he goes home to pick up Mikey afterwards, but not today. Today, he’s going to be alone and he has enough customers that he can call it a busy day, but he also has time to finally finish the book he was reading.

He’s satisfied with it, and he definitely can’t wait for the opportunity to discuss it with someone else who has read it, but for now he’ll settle for choosing a new one. He’s not planning on starting it before tomorrow, but he’s not coming back here until Monday, so he might as well choose one now. He also takes a graphic novel that might be funny enough to read tonight before bed.

Gerard almost forgets them on the counter when he’s closing the store, so he goes back inside to get it. When he’s back outside, he double checks that everything’s safely secured and turns around, not expecting to almost bump into Frank and his dog.

“Hi, Gerard!” Frank greets cheerfully, grinning widely and adjusting his hair around his glasses. That’s quite an endearing gesture that Gerard never loses track of. He doesn’t see Frank in glasses too often, but it’s a look that Frank can pull off so well. He has the kind of bone structure that goes well with everything, and his kind, witty eyes look exquisite behind the lenses, not to forget how these rectangular frames give him an even younger look.

“Hey,” he says with a sigh that’s hopefully subtle enough. He suddenly realizes how desperate he sounds with all this, and tries to calm himself down and act like the normal person he is. He can talk to Frank without freaking out; what’s the big deal? “Hey, I didn’t know you had dogs.”

“Luna is Jamie’s dog,” Frank says, but Gerard has no idea who Jamie is. He must make some sort of a confused face, because Frank adds, “My stepmom.”

“Right. Friendly?” Gerard asks, looking at the flappy eared dark grey dog that’s standing in the middle of the sidewalk sniffing at something on Gerard’s pants.

“My stepmom? Yeah, she’s alright,” Frank jokes, and Gerard gives him a stern face about it.

“No, obviously. I meant Luna,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Oh absolutely, she’s just a big baby,” Frank says with a chuckle. Gerard smiles back and turns his attention to Luna, letting her sniff his hand before he scratches her behind one ear. Luna is still sniffing the books Gerard is holding in his other hand, but her tail starts flicking on the floor, and Gerard looks up absentmindedly. He finds Frank grinning at him. “You alone? Where’s your grandmother?”

“She doesn’t work Saturday afternoons. It’s her checkers date with her friends,” Gerard replies, trying to think of what else he can tell Frank to not break the mood. “They also have tea on Sundays, ballroom dance classes on Wednesdays, and of course the book club. She’s way more social than me, and I’m in college. I’m supposed to be living the best years of my life, and here’s my grandmother making me look like a loser.”

“Way to go, Mrs. Rosania,” Frank jokes, chuckling again. Damn.

“Alright, look,” Frank says next, saving Gerard the trouble of having to soothe the grip on his book and re-ignite the conversation. “I have to run right now ‘cause we’re having guests for dinner tonight, but you wanna do something together tomorrow? Maybe get some coffee, I don’t know.”

The books fall from Gerard’s hand at the unexpectedness of Frank’s question. Luna is the first to get to them, barking excitedly and sniffing them, and Gerard thinks of getting down to pick them up, but Frank beats him to it.

“You wanna– What?” Gerard stutters, scratching the back of his neck as Frank gets back up. He does give the books back to Gerard, who grabs them intentionally, but Frank doesn’t let go yet.

“If you want to,” he says, looking down at the books and letting them go all of a sudden. “Or, you know what, forget about it.”

“No,” Gerard exclaims, holding the books against his chest, trying to protect himself from this moment and from the intense, expectant look in Frank’s eyes. They’re brighter than ever, making Gerard rather uncomfortable, and he clears his throat. “I just– I mean, I wasn’t expecting you to ask. I wanted to make sure I’d heard right?”

“Oh, well, yeah. I’d like to go out for coffee with you. We’ve never met outside the bookstore, and I think it’d be fun. But I don’t mean it, like, a date or anything,” Frank explains.

“Yeah, it could be fun,” Gerard says nervously, remembering how Grandma had said something similar about never having talked to Frank outside the bookstore. He does have to admit that being surrounded by books was encouraging, and there would always be something to talk about, at least, but he is not that bad at being social. He’s in college, for damn’s sake, and Frank is only a couple of years younger than him; they should be able to talk about stuff like two any other guys.

“Where do you wanna meet?” he asks, casually.

“How about the _Home Bound Biscuit_? It’s my favorite coffee house in town,” Frank replies.

“I really like it, too,” Gerard agrees. He used to go there with his friends in high school on Fridays, and goes there sometimes when he’s in town, but hasn’t gone in a while.

“Great. I have to go now, sorry. Say bye, Luna.” Frank tugs on Luna’s leash and she gets up immediately, and Gerard watches them walk down the street, paying no attention to detail. Frank looks back after a while, so Gerard gets out of his own head and sends him a little wave. Frank gives him a nod and a big grin, and Gerard sighs.

*

“Damn, is that guy a mess,” Gerard says with an eye roll, after Frank tells him who his favorite poet is.

They met at the coffee house about an hour ago. Gerard was the first to arrive and he waited inside, and Frank looked absolutely delightful when he came in. He was wearing one of those jackets with fur around the hood and he also had a black beanie on, which had plastered several strands of hair over his eyes. It all made him look so bundled up, but it was a rather cold morning, despite the sun that had not given them any rest this month.

They started talking about that, as cliché as that is, and diverted their thoughts from how cold it was outside with hot beverages. Those have been disregarded a while ago, although Gerard pretty much forgot about finishing his as soon as Frank told him he’d started reading _Moriarty_ at last. It’s all been about books and literature ever since, but that’s nothing new or surprising for them.

Out of curiosity, Gerard did ask who Frank’s favorite poet was. He already knew Frank has a soft spot for Poe and Virginia Woolf, but he had no idea what kind of poetry Frank would like. And Frank said E. E Cummings, someone Gerard had read a lot, influenced by one of his mother’s sisters, but disliked so much.

“I just don’t _get_ him,” he concludes.

“But that’s what I like about him,” Frank retorts, excitedly. “He’s messy, and you just read him and it means nothing to you, but then you’re in bed and those words haunt your dreams and you wake up a different person.”

“I really don’t mind him, and if my aunt heard me saying this, she’d make my mother disown me, but he’s way too much. He doesn’t seem really sure of what he’s trying to say, so he just uses those big, meaningful words, and hopes people will get any message from it,” Gerard explains his own thoughts on the poet. He thinks about when he discussed Cummings in one of his classes last year, and then remembers the one truly fascinating discovery he’d made after that class. “You know who I found out was much more poetic than him? Emily Dickinson.”

“Who’s that?” Frank asks. Gerard gives him a face, his head tilted in disbelief.

“Just one of the founders of modern American poetry, Frank,” Gerard starts. He takes a deep breath and the words just flow out of his head. “You should totally check out her stuff, if you haven’t. She’s so unique. I love her painstaking honesty, and she has a way of writing about the particulars of her emotions in this universal way, ending up describing both hers and the reader’s mind.”

“One of the best things about her is definitely how she doesn’t really try to conform to any standardized poetic form. And she hates punctuation, you’re gonna love that,” Gerard teases Frank with something he already knows Frank is quite fond of. Frank totally grins at him, so it’s mission accomplished. “Look, she’s just so thought-provoking and–”

Gerard stops himself when Frank exhales, and asks, “I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

“Honestly, not at all. I don’t mind checking out her work. You just have a way with words that, I don’t– I don’t know,” Frank trails off, thoughtful look on his face and all. He looks very intense and the lines on his forehead are deep, but smoothen again when he says, “You’d be a good teacher, you know?”

Gerard smiles fondly. “Well, I am studying to become one.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to be an English teacher.”

“How cliché is that?” questions Frank, with another one of his chuckles that twist Gerard’s heart in the most pleasant way.

Gerard rolls his eyes. “Well, I always had good English teachers, and books have been my company for a long time. They just never disappoint, and it’s so good to read a book from beginning to end and still have that feeling that it isn’t over. There’s discussing it with friends, dissecting it in school, figuring out every possible meaning, etc. It’s just so fulfilling, and I think others should have the same opportunity I had to love books. That’s the message I wanna portray: they can be your best friends and teach you so many lessons, while giving you a pastime and lots of moments of fun.”

“That sounds magical,” Frank says with a rather big, shining smile. “And to make you feel even better, I think you’ll be a wonderful English teacher.”

“Thanks,” Gerard says, feeling himself blush at either the words or the stunning and honest expression on Frank’s features. He feels so good, and they’re so comfortable right now that it can only be the perfect opportunity to talk about his proposition. Frank invited him out for coffee, and he actually paid, so it’s only fair Gerard pays him back somehow. “Look, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. I’m going to a party on New Year’s Eve, and I’d– like you to come with me, maybe?”

Frank narrows his eyes. “You’d maybe like me to come with you, or…?”

Gerard is quick to stutter in his own defense. “Hum, no, not like that. I’d like you to maybe come with me. If you’re not– too busy.”

“And if you want,” he adds quickly.

“Oh,” Frank pauses and looks down at his hands, like he’s thinking about what to answer. Gerard did it and his heart is beating fast, both in panic for having asked it and in expectation to hear Frank’s response. It’s totally okay if Frank says no, because at least Gerard had the courage to ask him, but of course there’s always the chance that Frank says yes. Which would be wonderful. And it’d be completely worthy, no matter what he says, just to have had the pleasure of reading the surprise in Frank’s face. That had been incredible.

When Frank looks up again, he tilts his head to one side and his expression is unclear. His eyes are not shining as they usually do, and Gerard is quick to promise himself not to feel disappointed if Frank says no. He had the courage to ask, and that’s good. It’s good, right?

“I’d love to go,” Frank says, but his voice is pretty bland. He doesn’t sound excited, and Gerard knows what that means.

“But…?”

Frank sighs. “But. I’m just not sure what we’re doing on New Year’s Eve. My dad said there could be something coming up gig-wise, so I can’t promise you anything, but I’ll let you know, alright?”

“Sure,” Gerard says, not feeling very animated about it. That will most likely be a no, and Frank’s just postponing it. Gerard should have been more careful than to just assume that Frank had asked him out because he was interested in actually spending their time together in a different way. Maybe Gerard had gone too far on their first time out of the bookstore.

“Don’t give me that look. You’re making me feel bad here!” Frank exclaims, getting Gerard’s attention again. Gerard looks at him confused, and Frank adds, “It doesn’t mean that I can’t go, and it certainly does not mean I don’t _want_ to go. Because I do. I want to go _everywhere_ with you, Gerard, okay? Now, can I have your number so I can let you know about New Year’s Eve?”

Gerard is uncertain of what he’s feeling right now. It’s all but a mix of Frank not saying yes, and Frank wanting to go to the party, and Frank wanting to go everywhere with him, whatever that means, and then Frank asking for his number. It’s happening all at the same time, and Gerard is kind of like in a different dimension. He does type his number into Frank’s phone while Frank does the same on his phone, and then they both get up. It’s pretty clear that they need to leave before the mood turns sour.

“See you Tuesday?” Frank says, making Gerard blink in confusion. He realizes he hadn’t really figured out what Tuesday is yet. “Book club meeting?”

“Oh right, yeah, I guess I’ll see you Tuesday,” Gerard replies, feeling way too confused to be any more assertive.

“Alright, cool,” Frank concludes, saying goodbye next. “I have your number, so I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Mhmm.” Gerard doesn’t say anything else as he watches Frank walk out of the coffee house. Frank has his number. Now, that’s a thought that makes Gerard's chest run out of air.

*

“Waiting for your lover to call?” Mikey’s annoying voice says to Gerard’s right. Gerard sighs annoyed and shakes his head, looking up at his brother, who is leaning on the back of the couch with a stupid grin on his face.

“Don’t you have food to cook or something?” It’s the only thing Gerard says before he focuses back on his phone. He’s not really the type to be attached to his cell phone, unlike someone he knows, but today he can’t seem to be able to put it down. It was pretty much forgotten on his desk the whole Christmas season, except when he was out, but Gerard spent the whole afternoon with it in his pocket as he helped Mom tidying up the garage looking for some sort of old exercise bike she wanted to lend someone, and it’s been on his lap ever since he sat on the living room couch with the graphic novel he brought from the bookstore yesterday.

He was just casually checking the time now, but seems like Mikey walked in in time to tease Gerard about it. Gerard could be the grown up in the room, but he’s tired of his little brother’s banter and bummed out that Frank hasn’t said anything yet. It’s only been a few hours, but he has yet to confirm if he accepts Gerard’s invitation for the New Year’s Eve party next Wednesday, and Gerard has been insatiable.

This thought alone is kind of freaking him out now, so before Mikey says anything else, Gerard gets up with a frustrated noise at his own self and goes to put his cell phone on the desk in his bedroom. He waits by it for a second, but shakes his head, because he’s not just tired of being teased by a thirteen-year-old. He is being pretty desperate about this. The party isn’t until Wednesday, and today is Sunday, and he’s going to see Frank on Tuesday for the book club meeting, so he has no reason to feel like this. Things will happen if they have to, and if they don’t happen, Gerard promised himself he wouldn’t feel too bad about it.

He goes back to the living room and to his graphic novel, and thankfully Mikey is nowhere in sight.

Later on, Gerard feels his cheeks kind of burning up with guilt as he goes into his bedroom and presses the power button on the side of his phone, waiting for the screen to light up, but noticing that there is still nothing new. He rolls his eyes frustrated, with the lack of news from Frank and with himself for counting on any news so soon.

He takes a deep breath and leaves the bedroom again, going back downstairs to help Grandma set the table. Mom left the house an hour ago, although she said she wouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to take that exercise bike to her friend Josie that lives down the street, and Dad is in the kitchen cooking something for dinner, presumably with Mikey.

“It’s nice to see you back to your natural self, Gee,” Grandma says.

Gerard doesn’t understand what she means and shows her a little frown, asking, “What?”

“Without your phone,” she replies with a little laugh. Gerard scoffs and turns away from her, but she continues, “Are you waiting for someone to call?”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Gerard says indifferently.

“Is it Frank?” Grandma asks, but Gerard just looks at her. She chuckles and shakes her head, scruffing his hair in a sweet, childish gesture afterwards, while Gerard scoffs and ignores her.

Grandma laughs lightly and adds, “You make it so easy to tease you, you have no idea.”

“Hey, Gee, your phone was ringing,” Mikey says, coming into the dining room through the door from the living room. Gerard is startled by what he said and stops what he’s doing, but tries to play if off like it’s not too urgent. His heart is kind of picking up his rhythm excitedly, but he tries to control himself because this is not a big deal. Easy to tease or not, he’s going to react casually, so he just looks at Mikey and raises an eyebrow. Mikey shrugs. “Just thought you’d like to know that.”

“T-Thanks,” he stutters slightly, looking from Mikey to Grandma, who is still grinning foolishly. Then, Gerard puts the cutlery he’s holding down on the table and exits the room calmly. Once he gets to the stairs, though, he climbs them up two steps at a time and makes a tiny little run from the top of the stairs to his bedroom at the end of the hall.

Gerard rushes into his bedroom and trips over his laptop charger on his way to the desk, but nothing crashes, so he doesn’t stop until he has both hands around his phone. He drops it accidentally facefirst on the wooden surface, but picks it up next with a swift, elegant movement. After pressing the power button, he feels his heart in his throat because what if Frank said yes, what if Frank said no, what if Frank only said hi, but the screen lights up and there are still no notifications.

“The hell?” Gerard mumbles to himself, feeling stressed and confused. He flicks through his phone, through the messages and the phone apps, but there’s nothing from Frank. The little shit got him again. “Goddamnit, Mikey.”

Gerard goes back upstairs and he can hear Mikey snickering out loud before he goes into the dining room again. Mikey explodes into laughter the moment Gerard turns the corner, and even Grandma is grinning in that mischievous way of hers. Gerard hates them.

*

Gerard spends the rest of the evening away from his family, on Skype with a couple of classmates from college, just discussing frivolities and nonsense matters to pass the time. It is a rather eventless night, but it’s just what Gerard needed after a rather stressful day around his phone. Right now, it’s been forgotten on the nightstand after Gerard checked it the last time, straight after dinner. There has been no news from Frank, so he gave up and decided to log in to Skype and try to have a conversation that would help him forget how much of a loser he is.

In the end, he closes the lid of his laptop when it’s way past midnight. Clearing his throat on his way to the bathroom, Gerard just gets ready for bed and nothing runs through his mind. He’s calm and careless, brushing his teeth and reminding himself that tomorrow is Monday and he will be going to the bookstore with his grandmother again. He can’t really be sure if it will be good for him to be in his favorite store in the whole world, or if it will make him even more restless. Nevertheless, he goes back into his bedroom, gets one knee on the bed and sets the alarm on his phone for the next morning.

There are still no notifications when he lies down to sleep.

*

Monday comes and goes rather mournfully to Gerard. He has a long day at the store, even though he engages in several conversations with his grandmother about books or despite the large number of clients that come in and ask for his advice. Whenever none of that happened, Gerard found himself thinking about Frank. He just couldn’t avoid it.

This feels so foreign to him, though. He’s never felt this way about anyone. He remembers having had crushes on people a few times, and he remembers this or that special friend in middle school, and the girlfriend in high school that broke his heart after two years together, and this or that quick yet intense relationship since he went to college. This kind of feeling is totally new, though. Things haven’t had this intensity since his High School girlfriend, and even then it never felt like this; Judy never clogged up his throat and his thoughts like Frank does, and he never thought her smile was so blinding, and he never spent so much time waiting for her to call him. This thing with Frank is either the most meaningful thing ever, or the most useless.

It bothers him so much that he goes straight to his bedroom after Grandma and he come back from the bookstore, and he doesn’t even go downstairs for dinner. He remembers lying on his bed with his iPod, just trying not to think of anything, trying really hard to avoid the image of Frank’s smile swirling in his mind, and then he remembers Grandma’s soft nudge on his leg. He opened his eyes, not having realized he had dozed off at all, but she’s there smiling at him gently and telling him she had brought some soup upstairs so he would at least eat before bed.

“You need to eat something,” she says as he blinks at her gentleness and sits up. This movement makes something uncomfortable swim in his head and he feels dizzy, but the feeling fades away after he rubs his eyes. Grandma is sitting down on his bed when he looks up at her again. “Are you alright, Bumblegee?”

Gerard sighs and smiles at her for being so good and so kind to him. She may tease him at times, and she may have come up with the most ridiculous nickname for him when he was just a little kid, but he knows she really cares and that she really likes him. He looks at her and she’s tilting her head in that sweet way again, so he answers, “I’m okay, Grandma. Just tired. Don’t worry.”

“You shouldn’t worry about this so much,” she tells him out of nowhere. He frowns at her, but he doesn’t need to play dumb and ask her for an explanation because they just understand each other so much. Of course she would know why he had stayed up here the whole evening.

She pats his leg and says, “C’mon, eat your soup and get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

After a long night of not enough sleep, Gerard wakes up on Tuesday morning to his phone alarm going off. He’s going to the bookstore again, of course, and today he’s not really looking forward to this after yesterday’s disappointment, but he doesn’t expect to see a text message notification instead of his alarm alert.

Gerard sobers up and sits up straight away, unblocking his phone with shaky fingers before he clicks the app icon and reads FRANK. And he lies back down on the mattress as soon as he sees the preview:

_Dad booked a gig for New Year’s Eve :(_

He clicks the message, wondering if Frank wrote anything else, but there’s nothing. Just the sad truth and a sad emoji. This does nothing for his mood. All the anxiety and the excitement over having overcome his shyness and asked Frank out were first replaced by the expectancy of getting a reply from him and now replaced by the saddening fact that it won’t be happening at all. Before, it was just him and his friends, then there was the minimal chance of being him and Frank and his friends, but now he doesn’t even want to go out anymore. Gerard knows he can overcome this disappointed feeling, but he allows himself a moment of self-pity over this.

_It’s okay, I understand. There’s always tonight, right?_

Gerard replies, but drops his phone on the bed and doesn’t come back to pick it up before he leaves for the bookstore. He won’t need it today at all. Worst of all, he will be at the store alone most of the day, since Grandma agreed to spend the day with one of her friends, who had come home from a weeklong stay at the hospital. It’s going to be an excruciatingly long day.

*

At four o’clock, Gerard is bored out of his mind. There have been no clients for over an hour and he’s got his book opened on the counter, but he’s been staring at it mindlessly for a really long time. He’s tried to entertain himself with reading, even tried one of his favorite graphic novels to try and forget, but his mind is wrapped around one single thought: he’s not going out with Frank on New Year’s Eve. That’s all there is to him at the moment, and he’s not even ashamed of himself. People are allowed to have down times for stupid reasons, are they not?

The bell on the door tinkles at last and Gerard looks up, but it’s only Grandma. Her tender smile turns into a worried frown when Gerard goes back to supporting his face on his hand and to drumming his fingertips on the counter. He sighs too, and looks down because her eyes are way too questioning for him right now.

“What’s the matter, Bumblegee?” she asks when she reaches the counter, petting his hair with what he knows to be a kind hand.

“Nothing, I’m just bored.”

“When have you ever been bored in my bookstore?” she retaliates, knowing what she’s talking about. The bookstore is practically Gerard’s favorite place in the entire world, where he can connect with his deepest passion and with people who share the same kind of love in life, but today is a big no day and Grandma obviously noticed. “I’m serious, Gerard, what’s going on?”

“I invited Frank to the New Year’s Eve party I’m going to,” he says with a sigh. “But he can’t make it. His dad booked a gig that night. I’m just… bummed out about this.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” Grandma says, and she sounds like she truly means it. She’s not teasing this time, but Gerard still only shrugs his shoulders. It shouldn’t matter. It’s just a stupid crush.

“I’m really sorry he can’t make it,” Grandma adds. “Are you still going?”

“I dunno. Maybe.” Gerard shrugs again.

“You really like Frank, don’t you?” Grandma pats Gerard’s arm gently.

At first, Gerard turns his head away from her, but there’s no point in denying this anymore. It’s been quite obvious over the last few days. Plus, he could never lie to his grandmother and Gerard is so aware of it, so he says, “Yeah, Grandma, I really do. We have so much in common, you know? But at the same time- we don’t.”

“How’s that?” Grandma wants to know.

Gerard shrugs. “You know, I’m. I mean, we might like the same kind of books and we might have a lot to talk about all the freaking time, but on the other hand, our lives are totally different. Who’s to say he wants to hang out with me outside the store?”

“You have barely had any chance to try, Gerard,” Grandma says in a wise voice, rubbing Gerard’s arm comfortingly. He is kind of blowing this out of proportion, because they haven’t even been on an actual date and here he is talking about Frank like he knows everything, but it’s just the way he feels at the moment.

“Gerard. Hey, cheer up!” Grandma says, snapping her fingers in Gerard’s face.

“I was just really looking forward to it, but the truth is, this season I’ve done stuff I’d never done before,” Gerard says sincerely, twisting his mouth into a grimace.

“What kind of stuff?”

“Well, for once, I finally got Frank’s number,” Gerard replies, making Grandma chuckle and shake her head at him. “And we had that coffee date on Sunday, and–”

“Was it bad?”

“No, of course not. I was so scared it’d be weird, since we weren’t in here, but it was–” Gerard interrupts himself, thinking about Sunday morning and how things weren’t so stupidly gloomy then. “It was amazing, Grandma. I felt so normal around him. And he seemed alright, too.”

“Then, I don’t see the point in freaking out over the fact that he can’t go to this party. It’s not like he told you he didn’t want to go, did he?”

“I suppose not,” Gerard trails off, but that’s the end of the conversation because the bell on the door tinkles again. It’s one of Grandma’s oldest friends, so Gerard leaves her to it and goes into the back room for a bathroom break. He needs to get out of his own head somehow, though.

*

Gerard has just come out of the shower and is putting on some pants when his cell phone vibrates on his desk. He turns his head to it and waits, because maybe someone is calling him, but it stops shaking a few seconds later, so Gerard leaves it be and finishes getting ready. It could be one of his friends talking about tomorrow night, or it could be one of those advertising messages he gets all the time from his network company, but none of it matters. He needs to finish getting dressed because Dad has called for dinner a while ago.

It’s only when Gerard comes back upstairs after dinner, to finish getting ready for the book club meeting even though he still can’t find his scarf anywhere, that he remembers he had gotten a text message earlier. He walks towards the desk half-heartedly, then just grabs the phone, unlocks it and opens the messages app without even taking a closer look at who it was.

  
_Be seeing you soon :)_ ❤

He blinks at the screen for a second before he looks up and gets it. This is Frank, talking about the book club meeting tonight and just being friendly and casual, and Gerard cannot believe how much this improves his mood. Just the little smile and the little heart lift up his spirit and help him look forward to tonight.

“Grandma, we’re gonna be late!” Gerard calls out from the foyer for the second time tonight. They have the book club meeting at nine and, the last time Gerard checked, the clock in the kitchen was showing eight forty-two. They should have left a couple of minutes ago, but he can’t even find out where his grandmother is. “What the hell is taking her so long?”

Gerard huffs and stomps to the hanger by the front door, taking a gloomy look at his green long coat. He was looking forward to wearing it tonight, because it’s his absolute favorite, but he would have to wear his scarf with it because of its lower collar. He could swear he had put it alongside the rest of his clothes when he went for a shower, but when he came back into the bedroom, all the clothes were there except for his scarf. He tried looking for it again over twenty minutes ago, in his dresser, his closet, and even under the bed, but he had given up and gone downstairs, never guessing they would be late because of Grandma.

“Take it easy, Gee, it’s not that big a deal,” she says, coming in from the kitchen at last. He reaches out for her coat on the hanger, but she shows him a finger like she’s telling him to wait another minute and disappears into the living room. He can hear her up the stairs a while later and rolls his eyes.

Taking a swift look into the kitchen again, he reads eight forty-five on the clock and calls out for her again, stressing every vowel. It’s not even two seconds later when he hears her steps down the stairs. She turns the corner into the foyer with a frown on her forehead, but Gerard doesn’t give it much thought because he knows he’s right. Still, she says, “God, you’re impossible tonight.”

“We’re late,” he reminds her, to which she only rolls her eyes, approaching him and the front door at last. Gerard takes her gray coat and helps her put it on, mostly out of chivalry.

“Thank you, Frankie, you look very handsome yourself,” Mikey’s annoying voice comes into the foyer somehow, making Grandma burst into little laughs. Gerard had his back to this and turns his head to it in time to see the little shit of his brother with Gerard’s olive green scarf wrapped around his own neck. So that’s where it went.

“You little thief,” is the only thing Gerard says. He’s not even going to comment on what Mikey said, but he can still see Grandma grinning at Mikey’s banter. Gerard stomps towards his brother and unwinds the scarf forcefully from his neck, showing him a death look at the same time. “What did I tell you about going through my stuff?”

“I didn’t go through anything, it was on your bed,” Mikey defends himself.

“Whatever,” Gerard dismisses him, unzipping his coat and walking back to the hanger beside the front door. Now that he has his scarf again, he can go back to his original plan of wearing his favorite coat, so much better than the other huge, ugly one. He feels so much more ready right now. “Grandma?”

“I’m ready,” she announces, and Gerard follows her out the door.

The car ride to the bookstore is rather eventless, with the radio spilling tonight’s tunes and Gerard drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the music, in between telling his grandmother off for being so late because it is so unlike her. She says it’s no big deal and dismisses it with a funny hand gesture, before Gerard takes the final turn onto the bookstore street. He recognizes most of the cars parked on the back and it seems like at least half the group is already there, which makes him narrow his eyes at Grandma. She just laughs at him and punches him lightly on one arm, saying, “You’re way too stressed about this.”

He shrugs it off and goes to open the bookstore so they can all get out of that cold night and start this meeting at once. People come straight after him and take the seats they want, Gerard waiting for them to get comfortable and of course Mrs. Compton taps the seat to her left and says, “Come here, sweetie, I saved you a seat.”

There’s a smile on Gerard’s face before he can avoid it. He has a nice relationship with every single one of the members of this club, most of them having watched him grow up more or less, with their regular visits to the bookstore or Grandma’s condo. He’s never really grown out of it because it feels nice to be treated with this amount of kindness without any of these elders being weird about it.

Gerard takes off his coat and scarf and hangs them on the back of his chair before he goes to the front door to greet the rest of the incoming members. Less than two minutes later, there is only one empty chair and Grandma tells Gerard, “Let’s go sit down. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

“Of course,” he gives her and welcomes Grandma’s hand on his back as they walk to the group. He sits down and looks straight ahead, to the chair that’s in front of him, empty for now, but hopefully not for too long. Frank said he’d be here, so it should be a matter of minutes.

Since they’re already late, Gerard nods at his grandmother and she opens the meeting. She’s just barely finished with her opening words when the bell on the front door tinkles and Gerard looks up right away. It’s Frank.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he apologizes immediately, removing the hood from his head. He’s wearing the same jacket and the same beanie he was wearing on Sunday morning, removing both of them along with his blood red scarf, before he approaches the group and sits with all the items on his lap. The whole group is waiting for him to get settled, first hanging the jacket on the back of the chair, then draping his scarf over it. By the time he notices how everybody is just waiting for him, Frank turns back to the middle of the group, wide eyes finding Gerard’s easily, and he says with a giggle, “You can go on. I just need to get settled.”

Gerard smiles at him, trying to reassure him that everything is alright, and Grandma starts talking again, inciting the group to share their opinions on last week’s suggestion. Frank doesn’t notice him until later, after he’s removed his gloves and lets them fall on his lap, where his beanie already is. Gerard finds this so engaging, just Frank taking off all the extra layers he’s wearing and also combing his hair with both hands, sliding the fringe to the right side of his face, accidentally knocking off his glasses. They slide down his nose adoringly and Frank pushes them back up in yet another endearing gesture, making Gerard release a heavy breath and smile.

“What,” he sees Frank mouthing at him, which sobers Gerard up immediately. He was totally caught staring and his cheeks start burning immediately, so he shakes his head and looks away, paying attention to what Mrs. Weldon is saying instead.

*

Gerard picks up his scarf from where it had fallen on the floor and watches everybody file out of the store. Tonight’s meeting was long and interesting, with rather powerful opinions and a few laughs, but he’s glad it’s over. He was paying attention to every word that was being said, but spent most of the time focused on Frank’s stance, Frank’s face, Frank’s hand gestures while he spoke, just on Frank in general. It feels way too obsessive right now, and Gerard needs to keep his mind off of it.

He doesn’t expect Frank to come closer and say, “Quite a meeting, huh?”

Gerard looks up and rests one hand on the back of the chair he was sitting on, agreeing with Frank. “It was so great. You were especially eloquent tonight.”

“You know me. I get on my argumentative side when I don’t like a certain book,” Frank replies, and they both laugh. Frank’s little laugh turns into his little chuckle and Gerard has to stop and take a deep breath.

That giggle is magical to him, and the way Frank looks tonight – his cheeks kind of red from the cold, his pointy nose with a bit of color too, the way it scrunches up so naturally as he laughs, and even his mouth contorts with the cutesy giggle – has the impact of a bomb in Gerard’s heart. It’s pumping blood at a crazy rhythm, deafening Gerard’s ears and destroying every bit of self-control he has. He really feels like kissing Frank right now; maybe it was the giggle, maybe it’s the way Frank rakes a hand through his dark hair or the way Frank puts on his beanie, but there’s something about the curve of Frank’s jaw that is making Gerard’s hands tingle.

He takes another deep breath and closes his eyes for a second, opening them to find Frank tilting his head at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… tired,” Gerard lies.

“You want any help with this?” Frank asks with a smile, gesturing around himself to the chairs that Gerard does need to store away. He doesn’t see why he shouldn’t take Frank’s kind offer, so he does.

Gerard starts by taking his scarf and coat to the counter, telling Frank to do the same, and then they take the chairs to the back room in silence. When that’s done, and all the bookcases are back in their place, and Gerard has made sure there is nothing left to rearrange for tomorrow morning, he takes his scarf from the pile on the counter before looking back at Frank and waiting for him to say something.

Thankfully, Frank smiles shyly and says, “I have something to tell you. It would seem that I can make it tomorrow, after all.”

Gerard freezes and tightens the grip on his scarf. “What?”

Frank grins. “I checked my dad’s book and it turns out he’s playing at nine thirty, so I talked to him and he said I could leave after he’s finished. That said, I can help him out after the gig and then meet you at the party around eleven?”

“That’s great,” Gerard tries not to seem too excited, but he’s absolutely grinning on the inside. Frank isn’t ashamed to grin at him, though, his whole face illuminated by the happiness in his eyes. He looks so beautiful right now, and Gerard is at a loss of words. There’s nothing he could say to match the beauty in Frank right now, but he ends up opening up to him, saying, “I was pretty bummed that you weren’t able to make it. And I’m not gonna lie, I was scared shitless when I asked you to come.”

Frank chuckles again and, yes, there goes Gerard’s heart. “Well, I really wanted to go, so I made everything I could to guarantee my place at my first party here. Like, I’ve been to parties, but only after gigs, so I don’t think those count.”

“Then, it will be my pleasure to make sure you will have the best time of your life,” Gerard says with a smile, looking deep into Frank’s eyes and finding pure excitement in them.

“I can’t wait,” Frank says and his eyes kind of dance with his words, shining so bright Gerard can barely think. They’re just so painfully gorgeous, he can barely believe it.

They stay there staring at each other for a while, Gerard lost in between Frank’s eyes and Frank’s mouth, with that tilt on it making his stomach curl up with nervousness. Gerard tries to think of all the amazing things he could do to that mouth with his own, and wonders if it would feel smooth or rough, if it would taste sweet or sour, if it would give in to his kiss or deny it to him. He breathes a bit more heavily with his mind swimming around this thought, but is interrupted by Grandma’s voice saying, “You ready? Everybody else has left.”

Gerard takes a few seconds to react and to move his eyes away from Frank’s lips, but he turns to his grandmother. “We’ll be there in a second. You can wait by the car if you want,” he says, grabbing his coat and taking the car keys from the left pocket. He hands them to Grandma who takes them slowly, grinning at him.

“Alright,” she says mysteriously, and Gerard realizes what he just implied.

He turns back to Frank and he’s biting his bottom lip, his eyes no longer gleaming; they’re dark and intense now, so Gerard clears his throat and steps on his previous thoughts in fear he will end up doing something crazy. He tries to form words, but the only thing that comes is as obvious as he can make it. “We should go.”

“Yeah,” Frank replies with a loud exhale before wrapping his scarf around his neck in a swift gesture. Somehow, everything about this guy is attractive.

“But I’ll see you tomorrow,” he adds with another smile, leaning forward with his arms angled in a way that seems like he’s going for a hug. Gerard gulps and panics, but moves in a similar way and they meet up in the middle. Frank’s arms wrap strongly around Gerard’s shoulders and Gerard can barely think about pressing his hands on Frank’s back. He can feel Frank’s chest against his when he inhales, and squeezes Frank against himself for a tiny second before pulling away. This is only a hug, but it’s the closest they’ve ever been and Gerard’s heart just starts racing.

“Y-yeah, tomorrow,” Gerard kind of stutters, distracting himself with putting on his coat so he doesn’t have to look at Frank again. It seems impossible to face him after this sudden closer moment they shared. It’s ridiculous, but Gerard can’t really make it past Frank’s hands. It’s not that they look any different, but there’s no way he’s looking up right now. He even feels himself blushing, it’s so crazy.

He feels Frank move away with one last goodbye and then he looks up. Frank’s just going past the front door and, when he’s gone, Gerard breathes out heavily a few times to calm himself down. This shouldn’t be a big deal to him, but he can barely believe this moment just happened. It’s not like he’s ever daydreamed about hugging Frank in particular, but they had never been so close and suddenly, over the weekend, they had exchanged phone numbers, gone out for coffee and hugged.

Maybe this was moving on too fast and that’s why Gerard is in panic, but he really doesn’t want it to stop. He wants all of Frank and as quickly as possible.

“Stop freaking out, Gerard. You’re too old for this,” he tells himself, tightening the knot on his scarf around his neck and getting the bookstore keys from the right pocket of his coat.

When he leaves, Grandma is waiting for him in the car, so he moves quickly and gets behind the wheel. He turns to her and asks, “You ready?”

“I was ready a long time ago,” she replies, and he starts the car. The radio turns on automatically, but Grandma turns the volume down to ask, “So, did you guys kiss?”

“Grandma, really,” it’s the only thing he says, focusing on the road. He realizes, however, that if he panicked so hard over a hug, how could he possibly survive a kiss?

*

“You guys kissed!” Grandma exclaims the next morning.

They’re in the bookstore again and Gerard has just finished off with a client when Grandma emerges from the back room and tells him that. He looks at her and frowns at her assumption, having no idea how could she have come to such a conclusion. “What are you talking about?”

“That cryptic smile you’ve had on your face the whole morning,” Grandma says, moving to the other side of the counter. She’s in Gerard’s face now, leaning over the counter to kind of crowd him there. It’s like he has nowhere to escape. “Something must have happened last night. You wouldn’t have sent me to the car for no reason.”

Gerard scoffs and shakes his head at Grandma’s assumption, but decides to tame down any rumors she may be thinking of. “We did not kiss, but he did tell me he’s coming tonight.”

“Your first date, huh,” Grandma says in an evasive yet curious tone of voice.

“It’s actually kind of not the first,” Gerard demystifies.

“If you mean that morning you went to the coffee shop and talked about books, it doesn’t count.”

Gerard laughs as the bell on the door tinkles when someone comes in. He stills tells Grandma, “What do you think is gonna happen tonight?”

“If you’re thinking about discussing books, there’s something wrong with you, Gerard.”

Gerard chuckles and shows her a dismissive hand gesture, focusing on the client rather than on his delusional grandmother. He honestly can’t wait for tonight, but it is only the second time they’ll be together outside the bookstore, so it’s not like he can be too hopeful about whatever might happen.

*

They closed up before lunch, as usual every New Year’s Eve, and Gerard spent the most boring afternoon of his life. He tried sitting on his bed with a book and a graphic novel, but didn’t really feel like reading. He tried watching TV or choosing a movie, but nothing appealed to him. He even tried playing a stupid videogame with his brother, but he was just so uninterested in the whole thing. It was awful.

Thankfully, it was now six thirty and it no longer seems too early to prepare for tonight. He’s having dinner with some friends before the party, so he gets ready for that, taking a short shower and getting dressed in dark grey jeans, a white shirt and a tie, but it looks too formal for him, so he takes that off and puts on the gray slim cut vest his mother bought him for Christmas.

“You look great, and you’re not going to be awkward tonight,” he gives himself a little pep talk before there’s a knock on the door. “Come in!”

The door opens and Gerard takes one last look at himself, seeing Grandma’s face in the mirror too. She’s smiling at him before she walks in, tilting her head as her whole face fades into one of her fond expressions. Gerard grins at her and feels somewhat confident, asking, “What do you think?”

“You look great, and you’re not going to be awkward tonight,” she tells him with a little laugh, approaching him with quick steps, the door left ajar behind her. It’s strange that she repeats the exact words he’d used, but she clarifies that next. “I could hear you from outside.”

He smiles as she adjusts the collar of his shirt for some reason and asks if it’s the one she gave to him last year, which it is, the white button up shirt with a plaid pattern on the inside of the collar and the cuffs. This is such a random moment and it reminds him of how Grandma had doted on him on his High School graduation day. He remembers he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but she chose his outfit, treated him so sweetly and talked to him like he was an adult, and it ended up being a very special day. He loves her for all these grandmothery acts she pulls on him, even by just adjusting the collar of his shirt and complimenting his looks. It’s comforting.

“Thanks, Grandma,” he puts in, with a small kiss on her cheek, letting her pull him into a short hug next. Gerard smiles at this gesture and squeezes her tight, hoping she knows what he’s trying to say.

“Are you nervous?” Grandma asks afterwards. She’s standing by his desk, one hand on top of his chair, and looks straight into Gerard’s eyes. It’s astonishing how well she knows him.

Gerard just smiles, though. There’s no point in denying it right now. Grandma has been by his side every day of his life, has heard about his feats and troubles before anybody else, and has given some of the best advice he’s ever heard. She’s the reason why he went to college, she made sure he made his own conquers and created his own dreams. She was the biggest influence in his life and the first one of all to point any flaws he needed pointed out. Grandma was magnificent, and Gerard had simply no fear of opening up to her. He would trust her his life, and she wouldn’t disappoint.

“I’m more anxious than nervous,” Gerard ends up telling Grandma, looking down at his hands. “I haven’t gone out with someone in so long, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. I’m just so attached to him, but at the same time I’m scared that I’m attached to this mere idea I have of him. I don’t know Frank that well, and tonight might be it for us. I don’t wanna scare him by saying the wrong thing, and I definitely don’t want to corner him, but I just have to be close to him at all times. I don’t want to say, “You’re all mine,” but that is clearly what I think of when I imagine myself with him. Is that too desperate?”

“Of course not,” Grandma replies with a tender smile. “That’s not desperate. That’s being in love. You adore and you fear at the same time, you want to keep them close and give them freedom too. It’s not easy, but I’m sure he’s not going to reject you. I honestly don’t think he would come by the bookstore so often if it weren’t for you.”

There’s a moment of silence between them and Gerard considers Grandma’s words. He doesn’t really know what to think, but he wants to believe her. He wants Frank to feel the same way; to feel equally desperate to be together and yet keeping himself at bay to not corner Gerard. There have been quite a few looks over the past nine months and there’s been a flicker of some sort in Frank’s eyes, which got more and more fervent recently. It was particularly wild last night, a dark, intense shadow grazing them before they parted, but Gerard didn’t want to keep his hopes up this time.

“Alright, let me soothe the mood with a very important question,” Grandma says, in a much less serious tone. She’s smiling quite graciously, and Gerard can pretty much guess she’s going to say something funky. And he is right. “Are you going to kiss Frank at midnight?”

Gerard laughs at her and shakes his head, but the truth is, he doesn’t know. “I don’t know. A lot of things can happen.”

“Do you want to?” Grandma insists, a mischievous expression dancing on her face.

Gerard rolls his eyes. “Of course I want to, but I’m not–”

“You’re going to kiss Frank at midnight!” Mikey’s animated voice sounds out of nowhere. Gerard takes a swift look at the door and finds his brother there, reacting purely out of instinct. He looks around and finds a pillow on his bed, throwing it at the door just as Mikey is sneaking away, still chanting, “Gerard’s going to kiss Frank at midnight!”

“God, he’s so annoying,” Gerard complains, with a huff.

Grandma chuckles and pats his shoulder. “Don’t worry. He will fall in love one day.”

“I’m so sorry for whoever ends up with him,” Gerard muses, earning a stern flick on his ear. “Ow!”

*

New Year’s Eve dinner was pretty great. Gerard got reunited with five of his High School friends, who he hadn’t seen in a while since they all had gone to different colleges, and wine and laughter was guaranteed throughout the meal. They went to a very posh place, which made Gerard hesitate for a few seconds when he saw the receipt at the end of their meal, but it was only for the night. One New Year’s Eve with his old friends. One final extravagance for this year, he could say. It got out of his system as soon as they got to the quite anticipated party at the _Midnight Throne_ , the most famous, most upscale and most well-attended bar in town.

Right now, it’s almost thirty minutes after eleven and all Gerard can think about is that he has no idea where Frank is. His friends leave the booth they’re sitting in to go get some drinks, and Gerard offers to stay here in case some well-intended spirit comes in and steals their table. He takes this chance to check his phone and see if Frank has said anything else.

The first time they talked tonight was at nine thirty. Gerard was still at dinner when he got a message from Frank saying the gig had run late, but that he would be at the party to meet Gerard. At the point, Gerard hesitated a lot in what he should reply. He didn’t think he should reply right away, so he wouldn’t give the impression that he’d been waiting by his phone, so he typed in a simple _I’ll be waiting_ with a little heart and waited for a few seconds.

His eyes wouldn’t leave the little heart emoji, though, and Gerard wondered if he should really send it like that or not. He stared blankly at the screen for a good two minutes, trying to think of what Frank would think of the emoji – would Frank take it as a commitment, since he had already sent Gerard a message with a little heart, a few days earlier? Would Frank simply not care about it because he _had_ already sent Gerard a message with a little heart?

Gerard huffed, his friends called for his attention again, and the message ended up not being sent for another hour. When he was finally in the car on the way to the party, he took his phone and sent the message without the heart. He had thought about it during that hour and realized it was better not to include it, so it wouldn’t be misinterpreted in any way. Even though he was an hour late in his reply, Frank sent him a text almost immediately. It read:

  
_Don’t have too much fun without me :)_ ♥

Damn that little heart, Gerard thought to himself. He had struggled with it for so long and here was Frank not having any kind of issue with sending Gerard little hearts with every witty thing he said. It was really hard to understand, and really, Gerard has no idea why he finds it so special. Maybe it’s the thought that Frank wants to have fun with him, too.

Gerard never sent a reply to that, but right now he has a new message he hadn’t seen before. _On my way!_

It was sent about half an hour ago, and Gerard squints at the phone trying to think where he was thirty minutes ago and why he hadn’t felt the device vibrate in his pocket. He had probably been dancing, or maybe at the bar with Joshua, so it didn’t matter. He notices how late it is and replies to this message now, saying, _Hope you can make it on time. It’s almost midnight!_

At this time, Gerard is interrupted by his friends, who come back to the booth and slide a drink towards him. It’s the same cocktail he’s been having all night, the one he always has when he goes out, because he’s not really one of those who tries everything they find on the menu, and he actually welcomes it. The mere thought that midnight is approaching quickly and that he still doesn’t know exactly where Frank is is killing him. Gerard had an idea being in love was hard and complicated, emotion wise, but he simply had no idea he would feel so desperate over this. It’s an important night to him, nonetheless, the first time they are supposed to hang out together after the bookstore’s closing time. When Gerard thinks about it that way, it doesn’t seem so hopeless anymore.

He feels something vibrate on his lap and drags a hand beneath the table to get to his phone. He looks down and grabs it, finding Edie’s eyes gleaming at him when he looks back up. Edie was his absolutely best friend in school. They’d gone through middle and high school together, had been part of the same book clubs and chess clubs, and once they even tried to create a club for Manga lovers only, not to mention how they went through the same bullying bullshit together. Edie’s friendship was amazing, not to mention their open-minded, wise, and eclectic personality, and Gerard felt proud and very lucky to have them as a friend.

“Is he coming?” Edie asks Gerard, with their characteristic enigmatic smile. Gerard shrugs and looks down at his phone to find the answer.

_Don’t kiss anybody until I’m there!_

Gerard panics, widens his eyes at Edie, and downs the rest of his drink in one go. His heart starts beating crazily fast at what he interprets of this message, and he feels like he needs a stronger drink, because he was not expecting that. Frank talking about kissing was mouth-watering and throat-thickening at the same time. It almost made him sick.

Something in his peripheral sight catches him off guard and Gerard turns his head to the side, to the dark movement in the background that caught his attention so suddenly, and he sees that everybody is getting up and picking up champagne glasses. Midnight is here, and Frank isn’t.

Gerard gets up with his friends too, looking at his phone and starting to type something, but someone knocks into him and he steps out of it.

“I’m sorry,” a very drunk friend of his apologizes, and Gerard only smiles, trying to seem as goofy as possible. He’s feeling anything but, though. He’s still thinking about Frank, about possibly kissing Frank at midnight, or after midnight, anything would be better than great. Gerard was both looking forward to it and trying his hardest not to throw up at the mere thought of what Frank would feel like and taste like from so up close.

Gerard’s heart is racing and his stomach grumbles in anticipation at all this, and by some miracle, Gerard looks towards the door and Frank is just coming in. He’s grinning and the lights from the bar flicker in his eyes, making him look so magical. Frank is moving forward while Gerard is stuck to the ground, stomach churning in that panicked, excited feeling he hasn’t felt in so long. He doesn’t think about it this time, because Frank is here and he looks… stunning.

He’s wearing a dark blue v-neck sweater and a plaid shirt underneath, the first couple of buttons undone revealing a bit of skin from the base of his neck. The hairs on the back of Gerard’s own neck get up at the sight, but he doesn’t dare to look away. He’s all wrapped up in this feeling, captivated by the beautiful guy walking towards him, and he doesn’t even care about whatever people are shouting around him. People keep knocking against him, but Gerard only focuses on Frank.

Frank is all that matters right now. Frank and his black jacket, Frank and his bright eyes, Frank and his pink tongue wetting his lips. The only thought in Gerard’s mind right now is that last message he read from Frank. It was disconcerting and left him unfocused, but it’s turning into determination right now. Taking one resolute breath in, Gerard closes his eyes and talks himself into this, and when he opens his eyes again, Frank is right there.

“Happy New Year,” Gerard hears him say and smiles, not feeling the need to say it back. His knees are trembling and he can feel the shivers up his arms and down his back, so much so that Gerard only acts. He moves forward and leans his forehead over Frank’s, smiling at how he can feel Frank’s breath over his mouth. Before he thinks about it, Gerard closes his eyes, covers Frank’s lips with his own, and Heaven descends to Earth.

There isn’t much to the kiss they share; it’s mostly a test to Gerard’s feelings and Frank’s consent. It’s just lips on mouth, and Gerard’s mind freaking out about the fact that his lips are touching Frank’s. There are no actual thoughts, except the excitement of being this close to Frank for the first time ever. It’s almost unnatural, because Gerard has never been so blunt and straightforward with a person he’s interested in, but something is pulling him in. And he simply can’t deny himself the pleasure and the delight of being the one with Frank right now.

The kiss itself is brief and Gerard pulls away of his own accord. He doesn’t want to overdo it so early, but he forgets how he will have to face Frank and possibly justify his actions. He keeps his forehead against Frank’s and his eyes closed, wishing Frank a happy New Year and adding, “I’m so happy you could make it.”

“So am I,” Frank replies, pecking Gerard’s mouth yet again. This small gesture brings a shiver up Gerard’s spine and he has no idea what to do with himself now. He’s lost in the presence of Frank, in the closeness of their faces, and in the fact that he took such a blunt move in the blink of an eye. Gerard finally moves away from Frank’s face and they both smile at each other.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” Frank admits, with a small chuckle. Then, he moves a hand to caress Gerard’s face, but Gerard has no idea what he ever did to deserve such fondness, especially when he focuses on Frank’s eyes and they’re wide, profound, and caring. Gerard has never seen such beauty in one guy alone, but he is all the more glad to be the one witnessing this on someone like Frank.

This is quite a magical moment and Gerard makes his first New Year’s wish: to share a lot of these moments with Frank over the course of this year. He doesn’t ask for more right now; he doesn’t want to seem that greedy. For now, he just melts into a smile and replies to Frank’s last statement, saying,

“I’ve actually only thought it would be possible this week, but it’s been–” He pauses, then his voice drops an octave or two when he takes a deep breath so he can admit: “It’s been the best week of my life.”

“You’re so sweet,” Frank says with his beautiful smile and slides his hand away, making Gerard’s face feel so much colder now, but Frank moves closer and kisses Gerard’s cheek. That doesn’t make anything better. It only makes Gerard blush.

Gerard has simply never felt so good in his life. Here he is, on a New Year’s Eve party, way past midnight now, getting flushed over one small kiss to the cheek. It _was_ placed there by the guy who has been making him feel uncontrolled for the past nine months, the one person that has made Gerard adjust his college schedule so he wouldn’t have any classes on Fridays, the one person that has been in his head and in his heart for a long time.

They stare and smile at each other for a few minutes until Gerard decides to do something useful and offer Frank a drink. “Do you want a drink?”

“Sure, what are you drinking?”

Gerard leads them towards the bar and orders two of the same cocktail he’s been having all night, hoping Frank doesn’t dislike it. He doesn’t seem to when he takes the first taste, so Gerard suggests, “C’mon, let me introduce you to my friends.”

Once they’re back to the booth Gerard has been on with his friends and once they’re through the basic introductions, Frank and Gerard sit in one of the corners of the booth and sip on their cocktails. Gerard starts by looking at Frank and smiling at him softly when Frank turns his head and finds him staring, but something catches his attention and he turns to the dance floor. His friends are in a circle, all turned to the booth, and they all grin when Gerard sees them. They know something is happening, and Gerard only grins back and shakes his head, turning his attention back to Frank.

This is the best night of his life so far, and it has to be a good omen. There’s no way this year will be a bad one as it’s starting so well, with Gerard sitting beside Frank, both sipping matching drinks, chatting and smiling like goofs when their eyes cross. It’s magical, and it’s only bound to get better.

Gerard watches incredulous as Frank adjusts himself on his seat, turns to Gerard and leans forward to capture Gerard’s lips with his. It comes out of nowhere and catches him off guard, but he’s not going to stop this moment. He would regret it so much, so Gerard closes his eyes and lets it happen. This is no longer a test; it’s Frank nipping Gerard’s lower lip and pushing his tongue in. Gerard opens up and pushes his against Frank’s. Against everything he’s ever thought, though, Frank doesn’t feel soft and he doesn’t taste sweet. There’s a roughness to his lips, like they’re naturally chapped, but always so perfect, adding texture and crispness to their kiss; and there’s a sour taste of smoke in his mouth when Gerard has a chance to stroke along the roof of Frank’s mouth. Maybe it is nothing like what he’s imagined, but it’s so much better than whatever mental image Gerard had. This is real and this is gorgeous.

When Frank pulls away, he leans sideways against Gerard’s side and tilts his head against Gerard’s shoulder, breathing out heavily and sighing, “Wow.”

Gerard grins happily and moves a testy hand to Frank’s knee, watching contentedly as Frank puts both his hands over Gerard’s. This is the perfect connection for Gerard. It’s small and gentle, but on their first night together, it’s as solid to him as a New Year’s wish.


End file.
